This morning I went out to take my jaunt around MY yard and found the perfect spot to do what my humans call "my duty." I'm not exactly sure what that means, but I do know it is something I do twice a day everyday and if I screw up and do it in the house, there is hell to pay. So I was doing my thing and all of a sudden I hear my human say, "Oh crap!" She bends down and grabs my collar and I'm wondering what is going on and then I see peeking through the firecracker bushes a set of eyes and then out pokes a head. It's a kitty! I've seen these before, but never up close. I hear my human muttering, "Oh for heaven's sake" and then she hollars' "Scram!" You see, she doesn't like cats. But I think I do. I know my friend Patton, who is a dog, likes cats.
The kitty came all the way up to me and we bumped noses. My human kept sticking her foot out trying to keep the kitty from getting close to me and kept telling me not to bark or growl. I'm not sure why she thought I would do that because I had decided that this kitty is going to my pet. My humans have pets, I'm not sure if that is what those green leafy things all around the house are or what, so why can't I have a pet? This kitty is way better than all of those dead squeaky things I get locked up in the bathroom with. So I invited the kitty to come in the house imagining all the glorious fun things I was going to make my pet kitty do for me. My humans always want me to do things like roll over, speak on command, heel and a lot of the time, be quiet.
So I headed for the door and kept making sure my kitty was following me and it was. I was so excited, wagging my tail. And then...my human yelled again at the cat to scram and the door was quickly shut before my pet kitty came in the house. What gives? I'm owed this after the crappy Christmas I had. Can you believe all I got was some stupid plastic frisbee that I don't even know how to play with and the freaking thing doesn't make sounds!? Sure I got a promise of a cool bed when my humans can "afford" it, but I run the show around here and I think I should have gotten the most presents. This really has me outraged! So I decided something and you have to promise not to tell. I'm going to keep my pet kitty and just not tell my humans about it. I can see the kitty still sitting in the yard, so it knows that I'm its owner now. I think I'll name it Tiger because it has stripes on its side and I've seen those things on TV before. Shhhh...don't tell!